A Home Was Built

November 5, 2019November 5, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 5 Comments

It sat heavy in my stomach, an emotion without a home. Begging it to leave, to abandon me, it sat idol, pinching at me with a fork, disrupting my every move. Running only took me so far, it was not working anymore since no matter how far I ran it always caught me bringing me back to the same spot. Kneeling down on one leg, I forfeited. The emotion stood, demanding attention, demanding to be felt. It dispersed its presence starting in my mind, carrying itself through my heart all the way down to my legs. The feeling was unique, a little bit of sadness followed by a lot of happiness. A home was built as I felt weightless, with the most clarity I have had in a while. Life is good!

The City Pt.5

November 4, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 2 Comments

In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore. Even though the lights fill my room with just enough brightness to make the outside look beautiful, I still look in. Temptations can’t tempt me anymore. The vibrations thumping through my veins are too powerful now. I used to feel like I was letting them down, but the more I push myself the more I realize I am lifting them up. When I feel like things are lost in my life, like they are playing hide and seek, I always find them inward. It is there turn to be it, there turn to come and find the bond I have with my heart. That’s all there is anymore, is a strong unbreakable bond between my head and my heart. I used to have thoughts that I was completely incomplete, but now I know the thoughts in my head are just words from a lost cause. The only words I pay attention to now are the ones that reside in my heart. In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

If You Were To Ask Me

November 1, 2019November 2, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 6 Comments

If you were to ask me, I would tell you that you deserve more. I would tell you to keep giving to yourself. I would tell you that I understand what it feels like to sit alone and see what you thought you always had leave. I would tell you that I too know what it’s like to have a path that has been paved out for you shatter to pieces, a future you attached yourself to turn out to be an illusion. I too know what it feels like to start fresh. I would tell you to keep going. I would tell you that you don’t have to listen to the others. I would say you have to listen to yourself. I would tell you to kiss yourself. Smother yourself in the juiciest kisses you have ever given. I would tell yourself to smile every time you see your reflection because no one deserves to see a smile more than you. If you were to ask me, I would tell you that you deserve more.

Alone On The Highest Wire

November 1, 2019November 1, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 7 Comments

Alone on the highest wire, no where to go but up. Obstacles are just illusions. Illusions in the form of tests. Will you love yourself or numb yourself? Sometimes we think we are stuck alone when we are really just floating, waiting, to enter the sky. This final move is the final key to nirvana. The final moment of giving it all back. Security or love? Comfort or love? Money or love? Alone on the highest wire, no where to go but up. You decide the final move.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The Love I Give To You

October 31, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

Like a prisoner held captive, you’ve got my love forever. Keep it and hold onto it. Wear it when you go to sleep at night, longing for someone’s presence because for some reason you can’t seem to feel complete. Use it to pick you up when you have fallen down. Use it to raise you when you are feeling low. I give it to you in bountiful amounts with no reciprocations. Please shelter it and grow it, for this love is valuable and unconditional. It is yours always.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

It was Written

October 31, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

Is it too late or is too early to say that it has already been done? It may not have happened yet but it has already been written. I’ve already played the game, I’ve already traveled the journey, I’ve already followed my destiny. The patience inside me wants to be eager, it knows that my karma has been switched from unfortunate to blessed. The eagerness inside me wants to be patient, it knows that the best is already in store for me. What’s left to do? Being. I don’t have to do anything. Being. I will be, I am, I am not. Be!

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

Open

October 30, 2019October 30, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 2 Comments

I know I was always a little off, a little to the left when you said right. A little bit east when you said west. I was never perfect, far from it. I tried my best to give you quality but often times I could only grant you quantity. At least it was a quantity of love, something I never fell short on. You teased me, you scolded me, I couldn’t help but not change. Every word I spoke, every thought I had was left outside to rot as the doors to your heart remain closed. No service allowed, from 12am to 12pm. I know I was always a little off and I know you don’t like to listen to me, but at the end of the day, you can come talk to me for my heart is always ready to listen. Although I was always a little off my heart is always open.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

Dear Mind, a Letter from my Spirit

October 30, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 4 Comments

To me it was always hard to guide you, I know you wanted more for me, I know you wanted to protect me. Times when you craved comfort, I craved excitement. Times you wanted to construct walls I wanted to bulldoze walls. We didn’t always butt heads. Most of the time we wanted the same thing. I had to recognize that you craved what I always was. I have been here the whole time, moving in a way you couldn’t understand and since you had a hard time comprehending, you looked for your craving else where. I have always been the purest form of love. So many times you tried to convince me I needed more or that I wasn’t complete, but you know I am way too conscious to fall for that. I am always here for you, in times when you are confused and feel like you deserve more. I am here for you when you are tired, after a long day of work when you felt like you deserved more. I am here for you when you are sad, when you feel like you aren’t worthy. I will be here to celebrate with you when you are happy. Most importantly, I will always be here in my purest form. The love I have is infinite, know you can have as much as you want.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The Only One

October 29, 2019October 29, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

My branches grow thick as the core to my isolation builds. I am not done yet, there are more chapters to the story. More characters and more plots to be developed. Even though struggles are on the way, I still stand alone. Time relentlessly teaches me longevity as I look out to the ocean and ask it what it feels like to be the only one.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

Freedom

October 29, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 2 Comments

Although the essentials aren’t needed, they sit heavy in my backpack and act as a necessity to my mind. If I could throw it all away I would, but I’m not there yet. I’m not free enough, I still conform to the poisons that have been engrained in me. Although the layers are heavy, I consciously peel them, day in and day out. It will be only moments until I am that of a molten rock, held by nothing, free of everything!

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey