The City Pt. 8

December 11, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 2 Comments

The city teaches shallow. If only I was as gorgeous as it, then people would love me. They would love me not for what I am, but they would love me for what I am worth. They would love me for the the things I own. They would love me for how I look. They wouldn’t love the deep depths of me I carry around on a daily basis. They wouldn’t love me for the battles in my head I have countlessly won day after day. They would love the surface. To them that is enough, to them they would die for that. The city doesn’t cheat artificial validation, but it does give glimpses of hope. Maybe if we swam to the center and understood the intentions of the foundation it was built on. Maybe if we looked at the ideas behind the madness and unmasked the core. Maybe too, we will glow like the city. We will stand out and reflect rays of sunshine the way the glass buildings do so on a breezy summer night. Maybe letting go is all we need. Maybe internal reflection is the key. Maybe dreams do come true. In the city I know they do.

It’s Fine I Never Needed Them Anyway

December 10, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

It’s fine, I never needed them anyway can only take you so far its best to put down that drink and remove yourself from the bar.

It’s only a matter of time til your pride runs out of stamina and your ego hits a wall, when the day is said and done it is up to your heart to be the one to call.

Although they weren’t always fair, they were always there.

The things they did were not okay but they still were there to say hello how was your day?

Running to peace, you went the wrong way. Unlimited attempts to keep painful thoughts at bay.

You were avoidant, you put on a front, you made excuses, you weren’t upfront.

You were in an uncontrolled spiral, looking for home base. It took you years and years to decide you wanted to go the right way.

Thoughts grew darker, heart grew sharper, everything you thought you were no longer defined you, god by you side, you no longer hide, it has always been you two, together you will surrender to the heavens above and allow forgiveness to smother you with love.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The City Pt. 7

November 25, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

The city lies comfortably congested on the pre winter evening. They thought they were sprinting to their destiny but they instead were running from their past. Amidst it all, cars drive, unknowing of their destination. People walk, confused intentions from the wrong source. Will today be better than the last or will it be a repeat of what tomorrow is going to be? Some things are better unknown, but a journey is better on repeat. A repeat of love and a continuous flow of hope and faith hiding in the cracks between the buildings and the pavement in the city streets. We think we are looking but instead we mimic the city sunset, trying out best to stay lit as we unconsciously hide behind buildings. A shadow of what seems to be never ending casts over, will we shine longer tomorrow? Will we have it in us to guide the way? The city lies comfortably congested on the pre winter evening. They thought they were sprinting to their destiny but they instead were running from their past.

The City Pt. 6

November 17, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

You aren’t even missing me, but if I had to kneel down in front of the lights of every window in this city for you to see how my heart relentlessly beats for you I would. I am purely devoted and effortlessly committed to making you see me, making you notice me, acknowledge and validating me for who I am. Like this city, I sense you only worry about the way people look out the window, the way they hide themselves and do their best to feel safe. That is not me anymore, for I have come to the city to rescue you. I am a knight, and although I am not in shining armor, I am in a button down and a nice pair of khakis that I got at the local goodwill. It is not that I couldn’t afford anything else, but I am done with the materials. This city can be your friend or it can be your enemy, the moment you attach to it is the moment you and I are broke. Stay within yourself and follow your heart for I can’t save you, but I can help bring you back to the person you were meant to be. Bless your soul and bless this city, I believe in both of you.

The City Pt.5

November 4, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 2 Comments

In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore. Even though the lights fill my room with just enough brightness to make the outside look beautiful, I still look in. Temptations can’t tempt me anymore. The vibrations thumping through my veins are too powerful now. I used to feel like I was letting them down, but the more I push myself the more I realize I am lifting them up. When I feel like things are lost in my life, like they are playing hide and seek, I always find them inward. It is there turn to be it, there turn to come and find the bond I have with my heart. That’s all there is anymore, is a strong unbreakable bond between my head and my heart. I used to have thoughts that I was completely incomplete, but now I know the thoughts in my head are just words from a lost cause. The only words I pay attention to now are the ones that reside in my heart. In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The City Pt. 4

November 2, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

Skin dryer than the city air, he sits alone at his desk fending off the branched off doubts of his ambitions. He craves energy, so he looks to the sun. Rays reflecting off the skyscraper windows, he walks amongst zombies disguised as people. The city has become a breeding ground for this type. Somewhere along the way, they buried their love, to a place deeper than their hearts, deeper than the most central cells of their body. He doesn’t want to fall into this trap, but it is almost inevitable as the city is powerful. His ambitions become his only hope as they are the only testament to carry out his hearts intentions of love. A level head allows a heart submerged with love to breakthrough from the depths of the furthest wall the city has constructed inside him. Will he allow his heart to break the walls down or will he suppress and conform to the zombies of the city? Although the branched off doubts of his ambitions are stronger than most, the rays still reflect strong off the windows of the tower turning the dryness of his skin to a moist layer of hope. He is ready for the test, he is ready for the city.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The City Pt.3

October 28, 2019October 28, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ Leave a comment

I was once invigorated by the way the buildings antennae’s hid behind the clouds. I used to think they were afraid to come out. The same way the man was afraid to show his love. He thought he didn’t deserve to show love, he didn’t know what it was like to love unconditionally. So he too would sympathize with the antennas instead ducking behind pillows and only expressing his real self when he was behind closed doors. He was all too familiar with the suppression’s of the city until the sun came out and the clouds went away. The antennas were fully exposed and he felt alone. No one left to sympathize with, no company left to share his misery with. He knew he had to grow, he knew he had to let his love shine. He stuck his head out the window and from the depths of his vocal cords screamed the biggest “I love you!!!” for the whole city to hear. His journey had started, transcendence was in his future.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The City Pt. 2

October 26, 2019October 28, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4

Streets run longer, further, brighter and more alive than the fainting heartbeat in my chest. Maybe these streets can save me. I hope its vibes lift me, or at least lift my spirits to the unconditional motivation I used to generate, longing for forgiveness and the need to be relevant. My intention was to always be significant, but maybe I was stirred in the wrong direction. Maybe these streets can guide me to the significance I always strove to be. I will follow the signs of these streets, in hopes they lead me to a bigger truth. The stoplights will be my mentor. I will speed up when the light is green, with all my love that is currently being preserved in the core of my insecurities. I will slow down when the light is yellow, take it all in, acknowledge my gratitude. I will stop when the light is red, I will stop everything. Tell the girl I have known for so long, the same one I have countlessly smiled to as I laid in been dreaming. The same one that has uncovered the life in me. The life that had been lying dormant underneath the flesh of my skin since the last time I saw her. I will not only stop and tell her I love her, but I will tell closest loved ones that I love them as well. I will tell them two times, maybe even three. I will even go out of my way to tell them. The red light will allow me to marinate in love. Then when the light turns green, I will do it all again. Streets run longer, further, brighter and more alive than the fainting heartbeat in my chest. Maybe these streets can save me. I know they will.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey

The City Pt. 1

October 26, 2019October 28, 2019 ~ kevinkaz4 ~ 3 Comments

In a city full of burdens, he reaches out and breaks free from the 22nd floor of the ballroom meeting. Filled with bosses and clients who hide from their own burdens, it is no wonder they all reside in the city. Masking the pain of the past, the city drowns them in uncertainty. The minds engulfed with the anxieties of making it to the train station on time, earning a big raise in their job, and making it to grandma’s house on time to play cards because she is one of the last things that makes them feel like a kid again, they cling to the one thing they need the least. If I can just make a little more money, everything will fall into place, thought the middle aged man who has been working at the same job for the last 20 years. Society has showed him that the green paper with a face printed on it is the end all be all, but this time he is tired. It has been a lifetime and he still hasn’t stopped to take a breath, he can’t stop running from commitment. He has seen smiles turn to stones, mostly so in himself. He wants change but the city lights are so bright and the breeze from the lake is so perfect as the hair follicles on his skin dance to the wind. The big fluorescent pizza shop sign on the corner brings him back to his childhood. The same pizza parlor he ate at with his cousin every Friday night before they hit the town in attempts to get lucky. He is too comfortable, comfortable of running to death and cheating life. In a city full of burdens, he reaches out and breaks free from the 22nd floor of the ballroom meeting. He looks out the window, he is okay, his life is okay, he will do the same thing next week.

Photo Credit: @cameronmfahey