You aren’t even missing me, but if I had to kneel down in front of the lights of every window in this city for you to see how my heart relentlessly beats for you I would. I am purely devoted and effortlessly committed to making you see me, making you notice me, acknowledge and validating me for who I am. Like this city, I sense you only worry about the way people look out the window, the way they hide themselves and do their best to feel safe. That is not me anymore, for I have come to the city to rescue you. I am a knight, and although I am not in shining armor, I am in a button down and a nice pair of khakis that I got at the local goodwill. It is not that I couldn’t afford anything else, but I am done with the materials. This city can be your friend or it can be your enemy, the moment you attach to it is the moment you and I are broke. Stay within yourself and follow your heart for I can’t save you, but I can help bring you back to the person you were meant to be. Bless your soul and bless this city, I believe in both of you.
In times of need I asked the other one and he said stay, stay within yourself and stay far away from the ones telling you no. For that is not you, that was never you, you were always a go getter and following yes excelled you tenfold against the one that told you no. You were always a diamond in the fluffiest sand lying dormant on the most beautiful beach. Follow your soul and have a blessed day because the one who told you no can not see those plans for you.
Waking up in a half bliss, there is nothing left for me to do but pray on your purpose. Better yet pray on my purpose for my destiny and my journey, as they need a giddy up for they have been slow lately. I try to get up but I stay, for the bed is too comfy, mistaking love for fear, I lay for hours more. Dreams that were once fulfilled turn absent as they tinker on the edge of fulfillment and emptiness. Withdrawing myself from what I deserve I lay longer, as the sun plays it role for everyone else doing their thing, guiding them to the light and the love within. It is not enough for me as I build strength, mentally and physically unblocking a path for my soul in hopes that it will fly. It is just a matter of time before it busts out. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but one of these days it will emerge, and I will never turn back.
Loving you is like trying to breathe underwater. Every effort debunked by a past longing. Every soft touch turned to stone. It is like trying to empathize with a zombie, relating to your empty shell, your lifeless core. Crazy to hold on, but beneath the suppressed layers of turmoil lies an angel. So bright and so radiant, blocked by the burdens you hold. Your love is deserving, your soul is meant to shine, but you live a world where transcendence is non existent. I hope you find you inner spirit, I hope you listen to it when it calls you. One of these days it will scream louder beneath the surface, and convince you of love and belonging. When the time comes don’t hold back, I am sick of trying to breathe underwater. My lungs still full of water, my head submerged and drowning, I stay with you and love you, for your love is about to shine through.
Returning back to your love was like a journey filled with checkpoints. Every checkpoint marked the source for a new kind of arrangement. An arrangement built in lessons and achievement. Every achievement catapulted me to a new form of consciousness, a new form of escaping the mind bringing me closer and closer to your love. As I got closer, I sensed that the love was not the same. It still had the same intensity, and many of the same feelings and emotions, but it was different. More mature, more grounded, more independent. Purer to say the least. Maybe this was the reason we didn’t settle before, maybe this is the reason I journeyed for you and when I say you I mean me, because I wasn’t ready and neither were you. It took me climbing a mountain, swimming and ocean, and camping in a typhoon to understand and reach the core to your love. A small glimpse of hope, faith, was what kept me going and there is nothing I would take back from it all. Your love is a totem pole, standing tall in the roughest storms. Returning back to your love is nothing less than extraordinary.
Even though it seems out of the ordinary, courage will take over. Trusting the mission holds no secrets from dejavu, allowing love to return the same way as before. Hour after hour, day after day, trust must be engrained in faith because you deserve it all, you always have.
In a mix between chilly and hot, I strip my jacket off my body and surrender to the moment. I am now that of a kid, free of burdens, a euphoric high engrained in deep nostalgia. When did things change? Where did my path alter? Questions I may never know the answer to, I focus my attention on every step. The boulders beneath the treading of my boots, my feet becoming one with the earth engrained my heart in a deeper purpose. Today is the day I live like I’m a kid, so pure and effortless. Today is the day my heart mimics the mountains, unconditionally free.
You knew what you were doing when you led me pass your boundaries to the very center of your world. The depths of your heart into the forgiving fortress of your soul. I’ve always sensed your pleasure to live, but I never saw it until now and wow is it bright. It is everything I thought it was and then some. I couldn’t have dreamt of anything like it because my mind never stored any visuals that were so amazing, so gorgeous, breathtaking. Although I’ve been alive for decades, it feels like today was the day I just started living, thank you!
I can’t take my eyes off your style of movements. Each plan of action carried out with the most grace, expressing a need without being needy. I adore the way you complete yourself, the way you fit into your own shoes and the way you carry your heart in the words that you speak and the love you give day in an day out. You are the realest and will always be my idol.