Going wild, because I can’t take away the marks. Every mark you left on me reminds me of all the love you left with me, as the marks go unmatched, unparalleled to the feelings I have had before. I am convinced that going wild is the only cure for me. Take away all the anxieties, the fear of being lost, the fear of failure, the fear of success. I am for certain this feeling is the only truth as I feel my heart beat surge with a little bit of insanity mixed with a whole lot of fulfillment. Until the clock strikes infinity, until the moment doesn’t move, I will keep your marks of love, I will always be going wild.
I’m sorry but I always get this way sometimes, I take things personal when I am free, I am stubborn when I’m selfless, I am confined to freedom, I am tired of being awake, I am too awake when I feel tired, I feel like things fall into place when they don’t work out, I feel like you make your own destiny when things don’t work out. Why do I feel happy when I am sad? Why do I feel sad when I am happy? Why does the shortest road lead to greatness? Why does the longest road lead to hardships? I tried fast forwarding to the past but instead I rewinded to the future, on the journey I cruised along a rocky path and then stumbled along the smooth pavement, my dream filled with ghosts was overtaken by my nightmare filled with spirits, through all the highs that felt like lows and all the lows that felt like highs, a duality of two opposites is always best in balance as one.
I know I was always a little off, a little to the left when you said right. A little bit east when you said west. I was never perfect, far from it. I tried my best to give you quality but often times I could only grant you quantity. At least it was a quantity of love, something I never fell short on. You teased me, you scolded me, I couldn’t help but not change. Every word I spoke, every thought I had was left outside to rot as the doors to your heart remain closed. No service allowed, from 12am to 12pm. I know I was always a little off and I know you don’t like to listen to me, but at the end of the day, you can come talk to me for my heart is always ready to listen. Although I was always a little off my heart is always open.
Tears push against my face like the waves push against the beaches. They wear on me, neutralizing me to the way I was meant to be. With every drop, I feel a little less further. Gaining ground with every breakthrough, I can empathize with beaches and the way they feel when they are weathered and eroded. After every time the waves hit the sand, a new formation is formed, giving light to a new sandcastle, each sandcastle paving the way to a new memory. These waves are good, these tears will transcend me.
The moment was never dull, and although I couldn’t thank everyone for their impact on my life for the past 30 years, I could allow them to feel my energy. A middle ground of energy, somewhere between the vast blue sky and the radiant rays emitted from the sun. I come here often to feel the mutual energies of the people on this planet, but more so to align myself, to ground myself. Detach myself from the little voice in my head, subtly bullying me in attempts to disapprove my worth. To break the reservoirs in my heart and allow the river to run free, like deer’s do in the wild. Some would say this spot is holy, some would say this spot is everything, I just call it paradise.
I can’t stop walking away from your future so I walk towards your past. The way your heart cries for love turns me into a magnet attracted to the helplessness you have learned. As you long for my presence, I try to run but I slip, I try to hide but I’m exposed. There is nothing left to do, I am meant to fix you, or at least help you. I sit here fully exposed, open enough to keep you from closing. I am here. Hello there.
You are and always will remain the final piece. Fitting into my destiny like a fluffed up night gown fits onto the body of an angel. I will always remember you because it is impossible for me to forget you. If the universe came to an end, I would be at the final wall waiting for you, emotionless at first, suppression was always my thing. But before the light goes out, whether it’s two seconds, one second, or a fraction of a second, when it’s all said and done, my smile will burn bright.