It is when you are with me that I can’t see. I can’t see the obstacles that stand in front of my day to day routine. I can’t see the dark clouds of past relationships that used to hover over me like a plane hovers over the airport. I can’t see the sadness that other people had accustomed me to. I can’t see the helplessness of my coworkers. I can’t see anything, but the vibrant power of your love. It is when you are with me that I can’t see.
The path guided me on a never ending voyage to the depths of your heart. Though the path was long, it kept my ears clear and my vision sharp. I was able to see love in the purest form. The way the water brushed against the rocks reminded me of the times your skin brushed along mine, so vulnerable and so close. The way the sun hid behind the clouds reminded me of how you used to hide behind the covers when you felt afraid of your inner thoughts. Every step I took was a new surprise as I peeled back a different construct of your mind, allowing me to admire and learn the source of your insecurities. Although the path was long and tiring, and at times made me want to give up, each checkpoint held a new breakthrough, uncovering more of your love, motivating me to keep going. The path guided me on a never ending voyage to the depths of your heart, I won’t stop now, I won’t give up!
A cloud of the past lays over, blocking the sun from your presence. The moment convinces you to participate in the sunshine until the mind comes in and asks for a raincheck. But it is so nice outside as the waves roll smoothly along the beach. The water convincing you that now is a time to heal. If you could just drive up and exist, forget about the clouds and forget about the darkness for now is your time to shine. It is your time to exist in your moment, the same moment where you are the only thing that matters and where your love shines the purest ray of light. I know you will drive back and I know you will exist in the now.
It sat heavy in my stomach, an emotion without a home. Begging it to leave, to abandon me, it sat idol, pinching at me with a fork, disrupting my every move. Running only took me so far, it was not working anymore since no matter how far I ran it always caught me bringing me back to the same spot. Kneeling down on one leg, I forfeited. The emotion stood, demanding attention, demanding to be felt. It dispersed its presence starting in my mind, carrying itself through my heart all the way down to my legs. The feeling was unique, a little bit of sadness followed by a lot of happiness. A home was built as I felt weightless, with the most clarity I have had in a while. Life is good!
Like some of the hardest drugs, I was addicted to needing money. Needing money for things I didn’t need. Addicted to the rush of external validation. An imagined woah from the crowd of people I felt were always critiquing me. Wylin to feel the deja vu of my youth I fell victim to an uncontrolled cycle of poison. Shoes, shoes, shoes, make me feel young again, make my feel full again, take me back to a better place. I stay begging, I stay craving, like some of the hardest drugs, I need money for shoes.
At the beginning it didn’t feel natural, it felt forced. Like I was eating just to eat, or I was running just to run. Going through the motions, thinking about it all the time but acting on it in ways that weren’t from the soul. It didn’t take long for me to stop running from the monotony of the this lackluster ride. I surrendered my attention to the very moment, instead of seeing the sun I felt the sun, instead of hearing you with my ears, I listened to you with my heart. In due time I woke up from the ego ride and returned to the love I had felt so long ago leaving me with a smile tattooed on my face and a permanent joy from within. At the beginning, it didn’t feel natural, now it feels like it never left. I always feel the love.
In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore. Even though the lights fill my room with just enough brightness to make the outside look beautiful, I still look in. Temptations can’t tempt me anymore. The vibrations thumping through my veins are too powerful now. I used to feel like I was letting them down, but the more I push myself the more I realize I am lifting them up. When I feel like things are lost in my life, like they are playing hide and seek, I always find them inward. It is there turn to be it, there turn to come and find the bond I have with my heart. That’s all there is anymore, is a strong unbreakable bond between my head and my heart. I used to have thoughts that I was completely incomplete, but now I know the thoughts in my head are just words from a lost cause. The only words I pay attention to now are the ones that reside in my heart. In the city filled with lights, I sit back, rest my head against the headboard, and take in what is happening inside me because what is going on outside me is not worth my attention anymore.
An I love You is worth more than 1,000 followers. It is comparable to that of the warmest hug, like a momma grizzly bear hugs her three cubs. It’s like drinking hot cocoa while sitting naked in the snow, feeling the warm thick liquid run down your throat. It’s like goosebumps on your skin as you rub against your dearest lover. It elevates your soul when you feel your body sinking. Three words representing the source of everything. An I love You is worth more than 1,000 followers.
You were a fire burnt out, a star that didn’t shine, a lion that didn’t growl, stagnant. It took me a lifetime to realize I couldn’t give you what you were looking for, I could only be an example. The moment I let it be was the moment I became the purest example there was. It was that exact moment I had to take off my jacket, put on sunglasses, and cover my ears. Preceding events to the biggest smile across my face.
Skin dryer than the city air, he sits alone at his desk fending off the branched off doubts of his ambitions. He craves energy, so he looks to the sun. Rays reflecting off the skyscraper windows, he walks amongst zombies disguised as people. The city has become a breeding ground for this type. Somewhere along the way, they buried their love, to a place deeper than their hearts, deeper than the most central cells of their body. He doesn’t want to fall into this trap, but it is almost inevitable as the city is powerful. His ambitions become his only hope as they are the only testament to carry out his hearts intentions of love. A level head allows a heart submerged with love to breakthrough from the depths of the furthest wall the city has constructed inside him. Will he allow his heart to break the walls down or will he suppress and conform to the zombies of the city? Although the branched off doubts of his ambitions are stronger than most, the rays still reflect strong off the windows of the tower turning the dryness of his skin to a moist layer of hope. He is ready for the test, he is ready for the city.