Loving you is like trying to breathe underwater. Every effort debunked by a past longing. Every soft touch turned to stone. It is like trying to empathize with a zombie, relating to your empty shell, your lifeless core. Crazy to hold on, but beneath the suppressed layers of turmoil lies an angel. So bright and so radiant, blocked by the burdens you hold. Your love is deserving, your soul is meant to shine, but you live a world where transcendence is non existent. I hope you find you inner spirit, I hope you listen to it when it calls you. One of these days it will scream louder beneath the surface, and convince you of love and belonging. When the time comes don’t hold back, I am sick of trying to breathe underwater. My lungs still full of water, my head submerged and drowning, I stay with you and love you, for your love is about to shine through.
Returning back to your love was like a journey filled with checkpoints. Every checkpoint marked the source for a new kind of arrangement. An arrangement built in lessons and achievement. Every achievement catapulted me to a new form of consciousness, a new form of escaping the mind bringing me closer and closer to your love. As I got closer, I sensed that the love was not the same. It still had the same intensity, and many of the same feelings and emotions, but it was different. More mature, more grounded, more independent. Purer to say the least. Maybe this was the reason we didn’t settle before, maybe this is the reason I journeyed for you and when I say you I mean me, because I wasn’t ready and neither were you. It took me climbing a mountain, swimming and ocean, and camping in a typhoon to understand and reach the core to your love. A small glimpse of hope, faith, was what kept me going and there is nothing I would take back from it all. Your love is a totem pole, standing tall in the roughest storms. Returning back to your love is nothing less than extraordinary.
Even though it seems out of the ordinary, courage will take over. Trusting the mission holds no secrets from dejavu, allowing love to return the same way as before. Hour after hour, day after day, trust must be engrained in faith because you deserve it all, you always have.
In a mix between chilly and hot, I strip my jacket off my body and surrender to the moment. I am now that of a kid, free of burdens, a euphoric high engrained in deep nostalgia. When did things change? Where did my path alter? Questions I may never know the answer to, I focus my attention on every step. The boulders beneath the treading of my boots, my feet becoming one with the earth engrained my heart in a deeper purpose. Today is the day I live like I’m a kid, so pure and effortless. Today is the day my heart mimics the mountains, unconditionally free.
You knew what you were doing when you led me pass your boundaries to the very center of your world. The depths of your heart into the forgiving fortress of your soul. I’ve always sensed your pleasure to live, but I never saw it until now and wow is it bright. It is everything I thought it was and then some. I couldn’t have dreamt of anything like it because my mind never stored any visuals that were so amazing, so gorgeous, breathtaking. Although I’ve been alive for decades, it feels like today was the day I just started living, thank you!
I can’t take my eyes off your style of movements. Each plan of action carried out with the most grace, expressing a need without being needy. I adore the way you complete yourself, the way you fit into your own shoes and the way you carry your heart in the words that you speak and the love you give day in an day out. You are the realest and will always be my idol.
Please stay with me until the fear of uncertainty goes away. I am much too attached to your presence, it is your light that I attach to. Even though it is sad for me, but your light is my darkness. I know your light will become my light when I learn how to shine my own. Until then, give me space, allow me to transform. Allow me to evolve, when the time is perfect, we will shine together and multiply consciousness. You are my biggest role model, I am your biggest fan. Support me, and when the time is right, shine with me because I know I will shine with you.
Delivering yourself to destiny is only deserved if you desire it. A long test, time and time again, lackluster. To most people this was okay, to others it was unacceptable. Barely achieving, a cheated destiny, a D- was passing, but wasn’t sharp enough to cut it. It was then that a whole heart could never be full without a full ambition and a full ambition was the first step to the script of destiny. The only policy is the truth to yourself, and wondering instead of doing is the opposite of the golden ticket. Delivering yourself to destiny is only deserved if you desire it.
You turn 100 years into one day, the way you look at me, your glassy eyes staring into my soul. The way you voice imitates a smooth melody when you tell me you love me. I do my best to brush against you when I can because the touch of any part of your body makes me feel like an angel floating high above. You make me want to watch you at every time of the day, if you were to leave I would follow, if you told me to jump I would leap. I would do anything for you because you turn a counterfeited 100 years into one genuine day.